Jessie’s story: An unexpected pregnancy

I live in Queensland with my husband and our three beautiful kids, who are 6, 2 and 8 months.

I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant with my third child, after a significant bout of postnatal depression and anxiety after my first child, followed by three miscarriages and an IVF pregnancy with my second child.

The pregnancy brought up a lot of mixed feelings. I had a lot of fear that I would struggle to cope with three kids and would experience postnatal depression again, or that I would miscarry again and have to go through that journey. There was a lot of anxiety and doubt, which left little room for excitement or joy. 

The impact on mental health

As the pregnancy proceeded, the impact on my anxiety continued to grow. Throughout the first trimester I was nervous, just waiting to experience the anticipated miscarriage. When that didn't happen, the anxiety converted into concerns about how I was going to cope with three young children which would surely throw my life into complete chaos and upset the happy balance we currently had with our family. The anxiety continued to manifest as it was left mostly unchecked during the second trimester as I continued with my already busy life and two kids. 

It can feel difficult to broach the topic about unexpected and mixed feelings about a pregnancy, particularly because everybody has their own opinions and experiences about pregnancy and motherhood. 

I was able to share my concerns with close friends and my husband because I have always tried to be very open about my mental health and the difficult times I experienced during pregnancy and motherhood. My husband was very excited about the pregnancy from the start, and I didn't want to dampen his joy too much.

When making a decision about the pregnancy, the only thing that helped was to prioritise my own thoughts and feelings and listen to what I truly felt about the pregnancy. Although my husband obviously had strong opinions and was excited to have another child, he was not the one that would have to make it through the pregnancy, labour and postnatal recovery, so the decision was ultimately in my hands. 

Finding the right support

I reached out to PANDA's helpline as my anxiety started to increase. It is an amazing resource and helps so much to have an impartial and empathetic person on the other end of the line who is happy to talk things out with you for as long as you need. It's incredible that some of those calls were over an hour long and the counsellor was happy to talk for as long as I needed. 

Late into the third trimester I started to feel like my anxiety about feeling unprepared for this pregnancy was really starting to get on top of me.

I was having panic attacks regularly and just felt unable to function normally. When I experienced postnatal depression and anxiety five years earlier with my first child, I was admitted to a Mother Baby Unit which was massively helpful in my recovery.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to do this whilst I was still pregnant, but once I found out that I could I went ahead and did so. Even though the baby hadn't arrived yet, being in the unit helped massively with my antenatal anxiety. It put me in a much healthier place mentally once my son arrived so that I was actually able to enjoy him and the postnatal experience, for the first time. 

Managing mental health and wellbeing through motherhood

Throughout my six years of motherhood, I have found lots of things that help with my mental health. The first step is always to try and be aware of your own health, and how you are thinking and feeling.

It's okay not to feel okay, and the first step is to recognise that and seek help.

I make sure I get enough sleep, stay on top of taking my medication, use meditation and mindfulness, and be honest about how I’m feeling. 

Pregnancy brings up all kinds of emotions and things to deal with, and when that pregnancy is unexpected or unplanned, there are extra elements that can make it even more difficult.

It can often feel difficult to talk about your feelings about an unexpected pregnancy because you don't want to feel judged or shamed.

It takes time to work through the feelings, whatever they may be, and come to a place where you can do what is best for your own mental health, as well as your family.