PANDA and Children by Choice have come together to support people experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.
Finding out you are pregnant when you hadn’t planned to be can feel very overwhelming. The unexpected sometimes happens in life, and it’s normal to feel unprepared and unsure of how to adjust to the new emotions you are experiencing.
Many thoughts and feelings can pile on top of each other, and you may not feel you have anyone to share these feelings with. PANDA and Children by Choice are here to support you so you don’t need to feel alone.
The impact of unplanned pregnancy on your mental health
Finding out you are unexpectedly pregnant may leave you with a decision about whether to continue with the pregnancy or not. Making decisions about your body can feel deeply personal and complex. There is no right or wrong decision, only the best decision for you at the time.
When uncontrollable events happen, it’s normal to experience a range of responses.
Some common responses include:
- Anxiety symptoms
- Depression symptoms
- Post-traumatic stress
- Feeling disheartened and fearful about the future
- Frustration about disruptions to plans and routines
- Anger
- Feeling powerless to change anything
- Loss of control
- Confusion
- Sleep and appetite issues
- Grief and loss
- Intrusive thoughts
- Feeling hopeless, overwhelmed, trapped and isolated
- Withdrawing from friends and family
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Jessie’s story: An unexpected pregnancy
"I was quite far along when I found out I was pregnant – I was young and living life to fullest. It came as a massive shock when the doctor announced that I was indeed pregnant, and I spent the drive home struggling to see through tears. I was single, and having a child was not in my life plans.
I spent the next days, weeks, months, coming to terms with it. I felt a lot of emotions – resentment, shock, rage, grief. I didn’t resent the baby I carried and birthed, but I resented the fact that I was pushed onto a life path I didn’t want.
I’ve come to realise pregnancies are so long maybe because it takes that long to prepare and adjust – it wasn’t until around 9 months after I found out that I think I emerged from the numbness, shock, and rage that I was dealing with. And I would say it took until he was about three years old for me to truly settle into the role of parent.
In that time, I journalled, spoke to professionals, made parent friends, and joined parenting communities, all while trying to maintain existing relationships and friends who were not at similar life stages to me.
It was hard, but I came out the other side, and although the choice to proceed with the pregnancy was out of my hands because I found out so late, I can’t picture any other life now."
- Caitlin
Reflective decision making
Self-reflection can be an important part of the decision-making process if you’re experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Children by Choice have developed a resource called the Reflective Decision-Making Guide which can help you reflect on your current circumstances.
It’s your decision to make
You may feel that you’re facing pressure from those around you about what decision to make with your pregnancy. Remember that this is your body and only you have the final say in the outcome of your pregnancy. All possible choices around the outcome of a pregnancy are legal in Australia.
If you feel you unsafe, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or text 0458737732.
“I was really young and not earning a lot of money, so there's no way I could have given myself or a child any sort nice life. I've never looked back and thought I would have been better off proceeding with my pregnancy. The personal growth, success, and maturity I've been able to achieve would never have happened otherwise.”
Finding support when you feel alone
Reaching out for support and discussion can help you feel less alone. It can be valuable to have a support person you can confide in and who will understand that the decision is your own to make. This person may be a friend, family member, partner, colleague or health professional.
Research shows that when facing unexpected and uncontrollable situations in life, a coping style called emotion-focused coping style can help us to effectively adapt to our situation through connection to others and making sense of what’s happening.
Counsellors can provide empathetic discussions with you about the complexity of the decision-making process and offer non-judgmental support. Our counsellors and peer practitioners listen with kindness and compassion, help you explore support options, and can also provide information about appropriate specialist services.
Please remember that you are not alone in this process. If you are unsure of who is safe to speak to you can always call the counselling team at PANDA on 1300 726 306 or the counselling team at Children by Choice on 1800 177 725 (8am-7pm Monday to Saturday).
Tips to manage anxiety or low mood during this time
It’s important to give yourself a break from decision making and focus on taking some time to fill your cup.
- Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same care and support you would offer a friend.
- Shift your focus to things you can control rather than things you can’t control.
- Try to sit with your challenging feelings and offer them compassion and comfort.
- Prioritise self-care that matters to you and let go of non-essential tasks. Think about what matters to you most and create some time and space each day to look after your own wellbeing.
"My third baby was my unexpected pregnancy - after years of infertility and IVF and being told I would never conceive naturally. I had already gone through severe mental health challenges with my second baby, who had only turned one when I found out I was pregnant again. I spiraled into severe anxiety immediately and even considered termination for a couple of days.
Everything I went through with my second child prompted me to get help really quickly, meaning I went into my third pregnancy feeling the most prepared and supported that I had ever been. Thankfully, I didn’t experience any mental health challenges in the postnatal period which I believe is due to the support and structures I had put in place."
- Emma
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Information to support you through your pregnancy
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges.
Complete our online mental health checklist to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be a reason to seek help.
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).
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