Combating loneliness after pregnancy loss

Experiences of loneliness when grieving pregnancy loss 

Everyone’s experience of grief is different, and these are just some of the factors that may contribute to feeling alone in your grief after pregnancy loss.

Disenfranchised grief

The type of grief resulting from miscarriage or pregnancy loss is complex and considered ‘disenfranchised grief’. This describes grief that isn’t always recognised, understood, or valued by society, which can feel invalidating. For example, there typically isn’t a memorial or ritual to gather and acknowledge a pregnancy loss with loved ones like there traditionally is for other types of loss.

In our recent survey, many people who have experienced pregnancy loss reported feeling their friends and family expected them to ‘get over it’ too quickly. This led them to withdraw from their social circles because they didn’t feel they had ‘permission’ to grieve.

Disenfranchised grief can make it hard to lean on loved ones, driving feelings of loneliness and prolonging the grieving process.

Not telling friends and family about the pregnancy

Some people choose to wait until after 12 weeks to share the news of their pregnancy. You might feel isolated if you experience a loss before you’ve told your support network about your pregnancy.

Partner grieving differently

17% of PANDA survey respondents reported their pregnancy loss negatively impacted their relationship with their partner. You might feel disconnected from your partner if they grieve in their own way or don’t appear to be as affected by the loss.

If you feel like you’re on different pages (or in different books altogether), it can help to schedule time to sit down and share how you’re both feeling and what you need from each other. You might find our practical tips to communicate with your partner helpful to get you started.

Friends and family not being supportive

Some friends and family may seem uncomfortable and avoid discussing the topic or asking how you’re doing. Some may make unhelpful or harmful comments, even if their intentions are good. For example, phrases such as “Everything happens for a reason” and “At least you know you can get pregnant” can feel insensitive and invalidating.

The Pink Elephants Support Network has some great resources for anyone supporting a loved one through pregnancy loss. You can use this information as a guide if you’re supporting someone you care about, or pass on to your friends and family who may need help knowing how to be there for you.

Feeling like no one can understand how you feel

Many people who experience pregnancy loss feel as though no one can truly empathise or understand what they're going through, especially if they haven’t experienced pregnancy loss themselves.

Mental health challenges

Avoiding other peoples’ pregnancies

You might withdraw from friends and family who are pregnant or have children because it’s painful for you to be around them. Almost 10% of PANDA survey respondents reported experiencing difficult emotions about their friends and/or family’s pregnancies following their loss.

The importance of emotional support after miscarriage or pregnancy loss 

Social support is a key protective factor against mental health distress, especially in difficult times. It can help support the grieving process and recovery after loss.

Many people who have experienced pregnancy loss report peer support as a valuable and affirming source of emotional support, as they feel others who have also experienced loss can better understand and empathise with them.

The State of Early Pregnancy Loss in Australia 2022 from The Pink Elephants Support Network shows over half of respondents (51%) wanted to talk to another person who had experienced an early pregnancy loss following their own loss (i.e. peer support).

Peer support can:

• Reduce rates of isolation
• Increase support seeking
• Provide hope through shared experience 
• Model self-care and coping skills 
• Provide direct and immediate empathy
• Increase self-esteem
• Increase sense of hope and empowerment
• Reduce the impact of stigma
• Assist decision-making skills
• Improve social functioning
• Reduce mental health distress
• Improve relationships with healthcare providers
• Reduce inpatient service use, including shorter hospital stays if needed.

You’re not alone: Where to get emotional support after your miscarriage or pregnancy loss 

You don’t have to process your loss alone. Grief isn’t linear, and your needs around support may change over time. But having emotional support throughout your journey can help you manage your mental health and make it through those tougher days.

When you’re ready, PANDA and Pink Elephants are here to welcome you to our safe and supportive community, regardless of when your loss occurred.

Helpline

The Pink Elephants Pregnancy Loss Helpline, delivered by PANDA, is a free service that provides targeted mental health counselling and peer support for families experiencing pregnancy loss or miscarriage. Our qualified counsellors and peer practitioners with lived experience are here to listen, validate, and support you.

1300 726 306 (Monday to Friday 9am – 7:30pm, Saturdays and public holidays 9am – 4pm AEST).

1:1 LiveChat peer support

Group counselling and online community support

Pink Elephants also provides online group bereavement counselling, private Facebook communities of people who have experience of pregnancy loss, and online resources you can access in your own time, at your own pace.

You can learn more about Pink Elephants’ support options and access their resources on their website.