Zoe’s story: Challenges with baby’s sleep and night-time anxiety

Pregnancy was wonderful, thankfully. The birth and postnatal period, however, were a different story. The birth was taken out of my control as it was a vaginal birth after caesarean (VBAC). This brought a lot of intervention that I hadn’t expected. Looking back, I believe some interventions were unnecessary and feel that my voice was unheard during labour.

We spent 5 nights in hospital afterwards. My daughter and I were separated. She was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) while I was in the ward. The epidural I had during birth was so strong that I was unable to walk for two days after the birth. Feeding her was traumatic as I had to wait for the porter on duty to collect me every time I received a call from the NICU midwives. At one point this took an hour.

We were discharged on the Friday and by the Sunday, we entered the second COVID lockdown. It was one thing after another. This was my second “COVID baby” as my first child was born three months before the UK went into the first lockdown. This time felt different, however. No family. No real connections made yet.

Challenges with settling and sleep

Fast forward through the first 12 months of my daughter’s life (which felt like the slowest year of my life), and I was met with the most challenging time of my life.

The hardest part was sleep. Or no sleep should I say. 

I went back to work when she was seven months old as we were experiencing financial difficulties. Work was the only respite I had from what felt like a monotonous stretch. I loved her endlessly but dreaded post dinner time. I felt nervous every evening knowing that I was going to be met with resistance and an unsettled night. Again. The anxiety was strong.

I remember sitting on the couch with her in my arms. She was screaming as she was so overtired. I felt so incredibly numb. Almost as though I was dissociating. I knew then that I couldn’t continue with this and needed help. 

Finding the right support

I had tried sleep consultants in the past, however, had no real success. 

I reached out to Karitane. They heard the anxiety and worry in my voice, and they fast forwarded me through the program and offered me a ‘virtual sleep support’ position. Yes please!

This changed my life.

It wasn’t necessarily that I needed someone to help with strategies, but having someone on call for me, 24 hours a day for one week, supporting me, reassuring me, understanding me and my challenges was so helpful. It was this that gave me the confidence to know that I wasn’t going crazy and that it was a truly hard time and that she was fine, and I was fine. 

They helped me to reassure my daughter that she was okay to fall asleep alone and that I was never going to be far away. They were in my ear via my AirPods as I was in her bedroom at her cot side and my phone was propped up against the camera monitor in my bedroom with Karitane watching us whispering “you’ve got this”. 

Life after getting help

It took one week to help me regain my confidence and I felt strong enough to gain some control over the situation. I no longer felt like I was drowning. 

To look after my mental health now, I’ve surrounded myself with likeminded people who truly get it, and I only follow social media accounts that are either research based or by those who I admire. I make sure I take time for me daily and use more ‘I statements’ when advocating for myself. It feels very powerful.

Fast forward four years and I am now a qualified perinatal counsellor supporting other women going through their own perinatal challenges!

My message to other parents

We are amazing women and have superpowers that are just waiting to be unleashed. Our instincts are powerful and we deserve to feel calm, confident and heard. Learn to trust yourself, then you can start to love yourself. Surround yourself with uplifting people who make you truly happy. These are our choices to make.