Lisa’s story: Anxiety about my baby’s sleep

My husband and I have one child who is now is two years old. 

Before starting our family, we travelled a lot and had a very free lifestyle. Our careers meant we could move around easily, and we spent a lot of time together.

The transition into parenthood brought both joy and unexpected challenges. Navigating sleep deprivation, changing roles, and the pressure of returning to work required us to adjust quickly.

The transition to parenthood

We had an extended hospital stay after birth with a newborn and my husband was not allowed to stay. I was confined to my bed and couldn’t get up to get my son when he cried overnight.

Once we were home, I didn’t expect to be so anxious. I was reasonably calm during pregnancy but once he was born, I was terrified that if I put him down, he would die. I was scared that if I didn’t immediately respond to or anticipate his needs, I would destroy his attachment style for life. 

I would stay awake all night with my son on my chest and would sleep in shifts with my husband and my mum, so someone was always holding him. After our experience in the hospital where I would need to listen to him in distress for up to 45 minutes while I waited for a nurse to hand him to me, I couldn’t tolerate him crying without panicking.

Finding support for anxiety

I was very lucky to have an amazing GP who saw me once a week. I also had a child and family health service (CAFHS) nurse who saw me fortnightly and a social worker fortnightly. A big help was also joining the CAFHS new parent group at a children’s centre and talking to other parents.

Within a week of first acknowledging my anxiety, he was sleeping in a bassinet next to my bed and I was able to sleep better.

My husband and I argued a lot during this time. He is very supportive and I always feel like we’re on the same team, but I have struggled with feeling like I am responsible for everything. We had been so close before and it took us about two years to really come back together. 

Looking after my mental health

I do reformer Pilates, painting, drawing, baths, meal planning, going into nature at least once a week, and I have regular contact with family and friends. I think about my priorities. When I look back, I know I will be happy I spent time with my son more than I would be happy I always did the dishes.

My message for other parents

I want other parents to know that you are processing enormous changes, physically, emotionally, and relationally, and often on almost no sleep. That’s a lot for anyone. While it can seem easier to try and manage it all internally, healing usually doesn’t happen just inside your head.

It helps to process in multiple ways. Talk about both the good and the hard parts with someone you feel safe being honest with. Move your body in gentle ways. Care for your physical health as best you can. Create something, write, draw, cook, garden, make music. Do whatever brings you joy. Spend time outside. Put words on paper. The more channels you use, the more supported your brain and body will feel.

You are also learning to integrate new parts of yourself into your identity. That takes time. I’ve found the concept of “parts” especially helpful. Instead of thinking, “I am hopeless”, it can shift to, “a part of me feels hopeless right now”. That subtle difference creates space.

Integration is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself as you grow into this new version of you.