Home StoriesJoel’s story: Anxiety following baby’s health complications

Joel’s story: Anxiety following baby’s health complications

"We were often quite tired and always worried about what the future held."

I work full time, am currently studying psychology, volunteering and most importantly am a father to my 4-year-old daughter. My wife works part-time, and our daughter is very much the centre of our universe!

I was aware parenthood was going to be hard work, however as we had invested in private health insurance, we assumed that we would have a smooth journey. Following the birth, I had thought parenthood would be more about playing with our new daughter, taking her for walks and changing nappies.

Anxiety following health complications

At the 20-week morphology scan, an issue of slow growth was detected. That’s when the reality hit home that this journey wasn't going to be as smooth sailing as I expected. When she was born, she had various medical complications.

“This got me quite worried and anxious, and led to many medical appointments and lots of hyper-focus on her oral intake and growth.”

This experience was quite stressful for both my wife and I. We were often quite tired and always worried about what the future held. As I had limited leave to take off work, it led to me feeling guilty and concerned for my wife, and likewise, my wife wished I was home more to help with our newborn daughter.

The challenges to finding support

We found it challenging as we weren’t offered any support at the beginning. As a seemingly well-off, educated, articulate couple, everyone seemed to presume we were okay. There was no counselling or psychological support offered, and only my wife ever got screened for depression and anxiety. In addition, we weren’t made aware of PANDA or any specialist clinicians who focus on the perinatal period.

Life after getting help

I confided in a relative of mine who works in the mental health field and following that I had an appointment with my GP. My GP referred me to a psychologist who began to help me improve how I tackled the new experience of parenthood.

“Once I got support, it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders! ”

I could enjoy life more and be more helpful to my wife and daughter. It allowed me to set goals and focus on the things in my life that I could control and improve, such as diet and exercise.

There were many positives that came from our experience, including strengthening my relationship with my wife. Another positive was finding PANDA and its amazing resources, as well as empowering me to be a strong advocate in this space, especially for fathers. The series of events led me to change careers, and I am now studying psychology.

Supporting my mental health now

Now, to support my mental health, I regularly check in with my GP, and from time to time see a psychologist. I also refer to various online tools that promote positive mental health as needed. When I feel that I am getting very stressed or anxious, I do small mindfulness meditations and breathing exercises.

I ensure I get outside early in the morning to walk around the country town in which we live. Nothing beats the serenity of the area pre-dawn, the crisp fresh air and the gradual rise of the sun. In addition, I ensure that I never feel guilty taking time out - whether that be a day off work, or an evening just to sit down and watch TV. I make sure I eat as healthy as I can and keep fit as best I can. I also ensure we have regular family trips to experience new places - whether that be a day trip, a weekend away or a longer trip interstate for some snow or beaches!