I am 34 years old, and I have 2 children, who are 2 years old and 10 months old. I used to work as a registered nurse and now work in public health. My husband is a doctor and works very long hours.
I thought becoming a mum would be a joyous time where much of the load was shared between both parents. Due to my husband’s demanding job, much of the parenting load was on me.
Sleep issues, anxiety, and what helped me
After my first baby, I was having severe anxiety about his health and issues with sleep. I needed help with addressing his sleep because I was not getting sleep at all. When he was 8 months old, I had a stay at Tresillian to help with sleep.
The social workers I saw were amazing. I also joined a postnatal depression support group which was life changing for me. It helped me understand that many other mothers struggled with the same things I did too. I met people who I’m still friends with today.
I also did a circle of security course and mindfulness for mums’ course through Tresillian which were also useful in my journey as a parent.
Maternal rage and intrusive thoughts
After my second baby, I was having a lot of issues with anger. I was scaring myself at how angry I was becoming at my children. I was also having intrusive thoughts like throwing my baby across the room when not settling.
I would take my anger out on my children, raising my voice.
I would resent my husband and the break he would be getting.
Getting the support
I knew I needed to address my anger because it was affecting them. I wanted to be the best mum I could for my children, and I didn’t want the way I felt to impact them.
“Once I got help, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. My feelings were validated, and I no longer felt alone.”
I found help through a psychologist and got medication which was a big help to me. I’m still on the journey and things are tough however I now know what I need to do to stay well and look after myself.
“Through my journey with postnatal depression, I’ve learnt how crucial self-care is.”
I now take medication, see a psychologist, eat well, stay connected with friends and family, exercise when I can, and have protected pockets of self-care/alone time when I can.
I love to grab a coffee, go for a walk, see friends, listen to music, bake, and get outdoors amongst nature.
“It’s not ‘in your head’. If you are struggling, don’t delay help because things can improve. Children need a well mum. You need to help yourself before you can help others.”
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Intrusive thoughts during the transition to parenthood
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