I live with my husband and son, who is now 12. I was born in Australia but lived in the Unites States for a number of years. My husband is American, and my son was born there. We lived there until he was 2 and a half.
In terms of my mood, I actually did really well in pregnancy! I was taking a small amount of medication, but honestly, I think it was the hormones. I really wanted to be pregnant, and I was excited even by the less than fabulous pregnancy symptoms – like bleeding gums. I was like, oh great! My gums are bleeding! I’m really pregnant!
Challenges in new parenthood
When I was about 8 months pregnant, we moved across the country – this was when I was still living in America. It started out okay, but at a certain point things within our new living situation went a bit pear-shaped. Then post-partum, with interrupted sleep and the change in hormones, things got really hard, and I was struggling.
I had seen a perinatal psychiatrist before I got pregnant - to make sure I was on safe medication - but after my son was born and we moved, I didn't know how to find or access services. I was in a new city, and I felt really isolated.
Finding support for borderline personality disorder
When my son was 2 and a half, my mother was diagnosed with motor neurone disease, and we decided to move back to Australia to help with her care. I was immediately struck by the services I had access to here - the maternal health nurse and even bulk billed visits to the doctor!
We decided we wanted to try for a second child, so we found another perinatal psychiatrist here in Melbourne to look at my medication – and that's when I was diagnosed with BPD. Like many folks with this diagnosis, I was initially given other diagnoses – including bipolar type II and Complex Trauma or CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Learning about BPD was actually great, because there are really effective therapies such as dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT).
“After I was diagnosed, I did DBT in a group at a hospital. That was really the beginning of my recovery journey. It was extremely helpful.”
Strategies for supporting my mental health
The mental health trifecta
I’ve developed what I like to call the mental health trifecta, which I try to do every morning before I leave the house, to get me on the right track. The trifecta consists of 10 minutes of mindfulness (I set a timer and try to keep my attention on my breath), 10 minutes of yoga (I use a beginner level app) and I write down 10 things I’m grateful for. Through the day I work on being mindful of my thoughts and emotions and trying to make choices that align with my values.
Dropping anchor
There’s a tool from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that I love called “dropping anchor”. The idea is that emotions are like storms. They might rock you but, like storms, they always pass. Dropping an anchor helps you stay grounded whilst the storm is happening. There's lots of resources on this skill on the internet.
A message for other parents with borderline personality disorder
To other parents with BPD, I would say, “You’ve got this!”
I would also say, congrats on finding your way to PANDA, because they can suggest some great services.
BPD is considered one of the most treatable mental health conditions. With treatment, many people, like me, recover. I know how hard things can be, but it can definitely get better. That’s been my experience.
“I feel incredibly lucky to have my son! He is a very thoughtful, intelligent, funny kid. When he was born, my love for him was a great motivator for me to figure out how to be my best self for him, and I still feel that way.”
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