Managing relationships as a new parent
We all have needs and it is vital that the people close to us understand them, and respond to them respectfully
Becoming a new parent can cause big changes in your relationships
Being a new parent can be a wonderful time of life. It's also a time of intense change and adjustment, including in your intimate and family relationships. You might also experience an evolving sense of who you are and what’s important to you.
Here you'll find information to help you navigate your relationships as a new parent.
Connecting with your baby
IT CAN TAKE TIME TO BUILD A CONNECTION WITH YOUR BABY
Parents can have high expectations about the kind of love they are going to immediately feel for their new baby. Media and popular culture create an unrealistic narrative of love at first sight, a depth of emotion you have never felt, and feelings of absolute joy and elation. This can add to the pressure parents feel to love or bond with their baby instantly.
However, many parents don’t feel that kind of connection straight away.
After having a baby, both parents are adjusting to many changes in their lives, so it’s not surprising that it can take time to feel a connection to this new little being.
Like any other type of relationship, real bonding between mums, dads and bubs can take time. This is completely normal.
Setting boundaries for your family
BOUNDARIES ARE CRITICAL TO PROTECT YOUR PERSONAL SPACE AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH
If you feel like you aren’t being heard, are worried about speaking up or trying to “keep the peace” and not upset anyone, this is a sign that you need to establish clear, healthy boundaries. In the pregnancy and postnatal context, your boundaries might include:
- Setting expectations around when your family is able to visit
- Letting your family know that this is your family and while you respect their experience and opinions, you will do things in the way that feels right for you.
If you need help and support, PANDA is here to help. We can provide information, resources and referrals to assist you.
Communicating with your partner
It’s normal to experience strain on your relationship during the transition to parenthood.
You may find your usual styles of communicating and supporting each other don’t work as well as they used to. Here you can find helpful techniques for communicating and reconnecting with your partner.
Family violence and controlling behaviour
FAMILY VIOLENCE IS NEVER OKAY, AND SUPPORT IS AVAILABLE
We know that the risk of family violence increases increases and is common in early parenthood.
Family violence includes a wide range of behaviours:
- Emotional abuse (e.g. verbal abuse, silent treatment, manipulation and ‘mind games’).
- Financial abuse (e.g. limiting your access to funds, controlling family finances).
- Social interactions (e.g. controlling or monitoring who you see, isolating you and baby from family and friends).
- Medical abuse (e.g. denying you access to postnatal care, including mental healthcare. Insisting on attending all postnatal healthcare appointments and not letting you speak to health professionals alone, like your GP or child health nurse).
- Physical abuse (this includes unwanted touch, but also throwing or breaking things, threats of physical abuse).
- Sexual and reproductive abuse (e.g. being coerced to have sex - or another baby - when you don’t want to or feel ready).
- Social abuse (isolating you by limiting your access to family and friends, monitoring interactions, insisting you give up hobbies or a return to work).
- Technological abuse (e.g. surveillance cameras at home; monitoring calls, social media and texts).
Any attempt to exert power and control over you can be a form of family violence. Family violence can have a severely negative impact on the safety and wellbeing of you, your baby and family.
Support Services
Relationship support services
If you would like to find ways to improve your communication skills with your partner and strengthen your relationship, consider contacting the organisations listed below:
- Call Relationships Australia in your state or territory on 1300 364 277
- Call Family Relationships Online on 1800 050 321
- Call Lifeline on 131 114
- Call Mensline on 1300 789 978
- Call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732
Or visit your doctor to talk things through and get a referral to a psychologist or relationship or family counselling service.
Helpful information for new parents
“I wanted to ‘fix’ all the things that my wife was finding difficult as it was hard for me to see how it was affecting her.”
Stories
PANDA CHATBOT
Chat to Dot
Meet Dot. They’re here to support you to explore your mental health and wellbeing during pregnancy and as a new parent.
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges.
Complete our online mental health checklist to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be a reason to seek help.
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).