Bringing a baby into the world can throw up a range of physical and emotional complications that many of us simply aren’t ready for.
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Complicated births
Giving birth can lead to a range of complex feelings, especially when the experience is a difficult or traumatic one.
What is intervention?
Sometimes during the birth the health of mother and/or baby can be put at risk and actions need to be taken by the attending medical professionals. This is known as an ‘intervention’.
An intervention occurs when it becomes clear that the birth will not safely happen without some kind of assistance. It can also occur if the baby is in distress and needs to be born more quickly.
Types of interventions might include pain relief, an emergency caesarean section, an episiotomy, blood transfusion or the use of forceps or a vacuum.
“I thought the birth would go a certain way and it just didn’t turn out how I expected.”
Responding to a complicated birth
Our individual responses to these kinds of interventions can be extremely complex and very personal. Some people find certain interventions more difficult to deal with than others.
We know that one in three women giving birth in Australia experience their birth as traumatic. Each of these women will have their own unique response to the birth. Some might experience things that a person watching from the outside might not consider to be traumatic.
What is important is that these women feel traumatised. Whatever happened during the birth, they felt frightened, unsafe or unheard. These feelings can play a role in the development of postnatal anxiety, depression or other stress-related disorders.
Feel how you feel – it’s OK
Our responses to the birthing process are often influenced by what else has happened in our lives – previous experiences that we bring to the birth. That might be childhood trauma, previous sexual abuse, lack of understanding around the birthing process, physical illness or injury or a difficult relationship with a partner.
Even less ‘dramatic’ experiences can have an impact, such as wanting to have a particular kind of birth, not being fully aware of what’s in store, or lack of health advice during pregnancy.
If you have a healthy baby, you might feel that it isn’t right to think negatively in any way about the birth. Sometimes advice from well-meaning medical professionals and others around you can encourage you to put the birth behind you and focus on your healthy baby. They might suggest that you don’t dwell on the birth now that you’ve got a healthy newborn to look after – a healthy child is all that matters.
This kind of advice is often not helpful. Your feelings do matter. They are real, and they are therefore powerful. If you feel you have experienced a difficult birth, either as the mother giving birth or as the partner present at the birth, it is important that you and everybody around you acknowledges that. Sitting on difficult or troubling feelings without addressing them can make them grow stronger and affect your emotional and mental wellbeing, and potentially affect your relationship with your partner and/or your child. Sometimes it can lead to postnatal anxiety or depression, which is a serious illness.
Note: some complicated births may result in physical injury for mum. These injuries may or may not be identified immediately. If in doubt about this, try not to be afraid to ask questions. For more information, the Australasian Birth Trauma Association website has some great information.
A delayed response
On PANDA’s National Helpline we regularly hear mums – and even dads – say they don’t remember much about the birthing process. We know this is one way the mind can process the grief or loss caused by a birth that was traumatic or didn’t live up to expectations in some way.
We hear women talk about feeling ‘emotionally numb’ after the birth. Sometimes this can affect how they bond with the new baby. Sometimes the real feelings about the birth don’t arrive until weeks or months after the birth – when the new mum or dad has had time to settle into their new reality and has time to reflect.
Sometimes the feelings then come in a rush. They can overwhelm you. It can be hard to deal with the flood of emotions. If this happens to you, you are not alone, and there is help available.
PANDA’s National Helpline provides a safe and confidential space for anyone struggling with the feelings caused by a difficult birth experience. Our highly trained and caring counsellors can help you work through these challenges by talking openly and honestly about your thoughts and feelings about the birth.
Other options
Receiving clear information from a health professional about the details surrounding the birth can help. Sometimes during the birth process things might have been rushed and you felt you hadn’t really understood what was happening or what you were giving consent to. You might have felt powerless or that you had no control over the situation.
If you have a trusted obstetrician that you feel you could talk to, you can talk to them about your birth experience. Or perhaps your GP. Sometimes it helps to write down a list of questions beforehand – this can help you stay on track during your discussions.
You can also organise to meet with the hospital to discuss the birth. On PANDA’s Helpline we hear of women who have had a difficult birth and have met with hospital staff afterwards to talk about the birth. Sometimes they take a support person or a partner and might meet with the nurse unit manager or somebody else that is a liaison from the hospital.
Sometimes it can feel too scary to go back in to the hospital. If it doesn’t feel comfortable the PANDA Helpline can talk through your feelings around the birth and make some suggestions about counsellors who specialise in that area.
If you’ve had a difficult or traumatic experience with a previous birth, it will be natural to be anxious about another pregnancy and birth. Talk to your GP, midwife or obstetrician about how you’d like the delivery to go next time.