For many of us, the enjoyment and connection of sex with our partner (or solo pleasure) is an important part of life.
When this is impacted, it can lead to mental health and wellbeing challenges, including anxiety and depression.
Meanwhile, good sexual health and wellbeing can positively impact mental health.
Many new and expecting parents who’ve contacted the PANDA helpline talk about the challenges they’ve faced with their sexual wellbeing during pregnancy and new parenthood.
In our recent sexual health survey, these are some of the things that new and expecting parents told us about what sexual health and wellbeing means to them:
- “Feeling comfortable and confident in my body and sexuality”
- “Feeling comfortable to express and communicate about sexual desires and preferences”
- “Having a healthy sex life – physically and emotionally”
- “Having a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and being able to experience pleasure”
- “Understanding my body”
- “Having sex drive/desire”
- “Pain-free sex”
- “Having full function”
- “Feeling desired”
- “Feeling like I matter, that I’m still able to be as intimate with my partner as I was pre-baby"
- “Feeling like I’m more than “a mother”
- “Feeling safe and supported with what I want and don’t want with my partner”
- “Feeling sexy and energised”
There are many physical challenges relating to pregnancy and childbirth. Some of these can take months or longer to fully recover from. You may feel that your body will never be the same again. This fear can lead to worries about whether you’ll ever be able to experience sexual pleasure again or whether your partner will notice any changes.
Many new and expecting parents told us that during their pregnancy or following the birth of their baby, they experienced a range of issues that impacted their sexual health and well-being, including:
- Changes to their libido
- Managing different expectations of each parent
- Fatigue
- Pain
- Fear and anxiety around sex
- Body image
- Physical challenges (such as pelvic floor issues, tearing from childbirth, tenderness, vaginal dryness, incontinence, etc.).
For some couples, poor communication about how they’re feeling can lead to a sexual disconnect.
In some cases, you may not feel comfortable explaining to your partner that you don’t feel ready or able to have sex or be intimate again. Sometimes, the non-birthing parent may experience changes in their desire due to stress about finances or the new caregiving role they see their partner in.
“Reduced libido and exhaustion, combined with a change in my body, caused a change in my body image with self-consciousness and a fear of pain. My partner was challenged by my change in body and breastfeeding, which made me more self-conscious.”
Perinatal mental health and sexual health and wellbeing are closely connected. Any mental health challenges in the perinatal period can impact the desire to maintain sexual relationships. Any perinatal sexual health challenges, such as inability to engage in penetrative sex due to birth injury recovery, can impact mental health.
There are several factors which most commonly impact the relationship between mental health and sexual health and wellbeing in the perinatal period including:
- Physical challenges including pelvic floor issues, tearing from childbirth, tenderness, vaginal dryness, incontinence, exhaustion, hormonal changes, lack of libido, and breastfeeding.
- Emotional challenges including body image issues, fear and anxiety, adjusting to different roles within a relationship, managing expectations of a partner since becoming a parent, pregnancy and birth-related stress, history of sexual trauma and abuse, and stress of finances.
- Taking medication can affect libido and sexual wellbeing.
Healthcare providers agree that there is a huge correlation between sexual wellbeing, mental health, and relationships, and suggest that new and expecting parents lack realistic expectations (regarding sexual health) that lead to poor self-esteem, conflict, and impact on mental health. (PANDA survey 2025).
“I ask about sexual health with most clients, many of whom are not within the new parent or perinatal phase. It’s a huge indicator of mental health as well as an area which can be impacted.”
“The expectations new parents impose on themselves and their partners is massive. This is why it's important to have open conversations before baby is born. Discussions around what they would like from their partner - sexual and non-sexual. Mental health impacts sexual health, and expectations impact sexual health. It can be a vicious circle. Keeping their communication open and honest about thoughts, feelings, and needs is encouraged.”
“My focus shifted from 'having sex right' to using sex as a way to feel connected and feel love/express love. Any expression of intimacy was positive, even though it was less regular than before children.”
New and expecting parents can experience unique challenges with their sexual wellbeing. It can help to approach these issues with respectful communication, understanding, and patience – for each other and yourself.
If these challenges are impacting your mental health and wellbeing, support is available.
You can reach out to PANDA on 1300 726 306 Mon-Sat.
PANDA National Helpline
Find someone to talk to, Monday to Saturday.
1300 726 306
Call 000 for police and ambulance if you or someone else are in immediate danger
Talk with friends or family
Consider talking about how you are feeling with someone you trust. This might be a friend or family member. Once you starting talking you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
Talk with your doctor
Talking with your doctor can be an important step to getting the help you need. They should be able to give you non-judgemental support, assessment, diagnosis, and ongoing care and treatment. They can also refer you to specialists such as a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Get help now
If you are having suicidal thoughts or are feeling disorientated it’s important to get help immediately. PANDA is not a crisis service, if you need immediate support call Lifeline 13 11 14 (24/7).
Articles
More information to support your relationship in the perinatal period
Mental health checklist
How are you going?
Everyone’s experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting is unique and brings different rewards and challenges.
Complete our online mental health checklist to see if what you’re experiencing or observing in a loved one could be a reason to seek help.
