Becoming parents

The transition to becoming new parents is one of the most significant changes in life, and most couples find it challenging.  Many adjustments have to be made to successfully navigate this transition to becoming parents.

Preparing for the arrival of a new baby is a good time to reflect on how their lives will change when they become parents.  Having a baby is an exciting time but the changes he or she will bring often take new parents by surprise, perhaps causing more stress and anxiety.  Some expectant parents might believe that the baby will not have a huge impact on their lives or that they will be able to manage more in their lives than is realistic, for example a tidy house, settled baby, great cooking, going out, looking great etc.  In fact, having a baby causes significant changes, many of which are unexpected and involve a degree of loss and grief.  For example a sense of a loss of freedom, work identity, financial independence and social contacts is not uncommon.  Most new parents find some aspects of adjusting to life with a new baby to be difficult.

It can be helpful for the individuals to think about what experiences they have had of growing up in their own family and what they know about being a mother or a father.  What they have learnt in their own families will affect how they become a parent and it will be very different for both of them.  For example, we know that when people are faced with stress, such as having a baby, it is natural to go back to these early learnings to cope, even if they don't necessarily want to.

Talking about some of these different experiences as a couple and what the individuals have learnt about families can help the couple to see the differences as they become new parents.  Talking about how they would like to be as their own new family can help to relieve some of the stress that goes with being new parents.  Sometimes it can help to do this with someone they trust, a family member, friend or counsellor.